Send Genevieve your mom training or pacing questions, tips, and tools. You can email her at gen@sportofmotherhood.com. For more information about her book, workshops or cable show, visit the TV show or classes page. (Submissions may be edited for length or clarity).
This question came up at a Sport of Motherhood speaker event at Golden Gate Mothers Group in San Francisco.
Dear Genevieve,
Can you tell us more about the Bonus part of your Minimum/Bonus strategy?
Just Curious in San Francisco, CA
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for Gen's response
Do you have any strategies for shifting between family and work? I used to be very organized before kids and still am – but not all the time. If I go to a birthday party across town in an unfamiliar neighborhood, I do my research and get there just fine. But when I drop kids off and jump straight into a business or school meeting, I am rushed, often surprised by additional attendees, and less prepared than I’d like to be. If I just had 15 minutes to collect my thoughts between kid-time and work-time, but I usually don’t. (This question has been condensed).
Work-from-home mom in
San Francisco, CA
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for Gen's response
Hi Genevieve,
I have read a lot of things, have watched a lot of shows, and know that I need to develop coping strategies. I know what to do but don’t know how to start.
Eva
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for Gen's response
Hi Gen,
I’m calling because I have a 5-year-old who does much better with a limited number of toys in her room. Now it is Christmas time and it’s gonna’ happen again where both grandparents send so many presents that it over-stimulates my daughter, and I’ve tried to ask them “Please don’t give so many presents.” They do it every Christmas and birthday. How do I handle this without hurting their feelings and keeping my daughter sane?
Sally
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for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
My children want to give a Christmas present to their grandmother who died last year. Any suggestions?
Looking for ideas,
"Dad in Pennsylvania"
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for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
Every year I want to enjoy the holiday time but get caught up in my enormous holiday to-do lists. I love the spirit of giving but am finding that I mostly feel harried and overwhelmed between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Either I race around, or I get paralyzed and procrastinate, and worst of all, I become irritable with my family. The holiday rush is too much!! Help.
"Dispirited in Austin, TX"
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for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
I have 3 kids under the age of six, and I am wondering what people do when the oldest child gets something and the others don’t. If the oldest has a play date for example, the middle child wants one too. I don’t want more than one play date at a time because it is then too much. Any tips?
Sincerely,
"Working on Sibling Dynamics in California"
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for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
I am a mom four kids ages 7-14, and lately I am struggling with chores. They are not picking up the room or making their beds like I ask them too. I work full-time and want them to share in the housekeeping. Sometimes I do pick up for them, but I feel like it does not teach them anything. How do I get them to do what I ask?
Sincerely,
"Frustrated in Northern California"
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for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
I used to be smart, put-together and articulate. Or at least coherent. Now I'm just moist. I'm 6 weeks post-partum and spend the better part of each day with either spit up on my shirt, dealing with diaper explosions or having two targets on my shirt from leaking breast milk. And many days it's noon before I'm actually out of my pajamas. But the worst part of it is I can't seem to connect to my former brain. I'm mired in "mama mush brain."
I remember from my first baby that it gets
better, but in the interim, I'm still having to have a few work calls and
interact with the outside world.
Any thoughts on how I might reclaim a bit of my former self?
Sincerely,
"Mama Mush Brain" in Southern California
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response
Dear Genevieve,
My four-year-old often whines for no reason, and it is really getting to
me. She will even whine out a question rather than ask a question. I try
to ignore it for as long a possible, but it is not getting any better or
going away. Help! Any tips?
Sincerely,
"Getting the Whining Blues,"
Austin, TX
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response
Dear Genevieve,
I have had a terrible time with managing the clutter and continual mess
that is generated by three kids and two adults in our home. Just as I get
through the pile of permission slips, kids' art work, and unopened mail,
it seems that a larger pile is immediately deposited in its place. Help,
I'm drowning in paper! I won't even get into the mess in the kids' rooms
and play area. I could spend all of my time either picking up after them
or nagging them to help keep order, but it is draining so much energy from
my reserves. I'd like to focus on quality time with them instead of focusing
on our clutter. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Cluttered and Befuddled
Palo Alto, CA
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here for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
I'm getting tired. I work full time and run the house and 'run' the kids. I am den mother to my son's cub scouts, co-leader to my daughter's girl scouts along with a hectic soccer schedule during most of the year. Every weekend I'm delivering the kids here or delivering the kids there. My husband comes from a different culture than mine and though he participates in other ways this does not include much time with the kids. My son is getting old enough that I feel his cub scouts should have a more male role. My husband has rarely seen my son play soccer because it conflicts with his own soccer time. I can't remember the last time I did something just for me or even time alone with my husband. It's go go go. This was ok at first but I've been doing things this way for years now. How can I get my husband to pick up the ways of the western dad's?
Signed, One-sided
Princeton, New Jersey
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here for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve:
Why do I always feel anxiety about dinner? I mean, it's like nearly every day, I find myself wondering, "What am I going to feed these people tonight?" And it's not like I'm out attempting to do anything fancy because most of my kids wouldn't eat it anyway. I feel like I have a boring repertoire of menus but basically slam something together just to get this daily deadline met (and try to have nutritional value as well).
Sometimes I go to the grocery store, see an item I haven't served in awhile, and have an 'AHA!' moment. Do other moms have this same dilemma or are they simply more together than I am?
Stressed
in South PA
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here for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
What do you do if your own energy dip is at 3:30 in the afternoon (always been that way) which is just the time the kids are coming home tired and grumpy from school and that's when their energy is low too? How do you avoid meltdowns for everybody?
Dippin’ and Dazed,
Palo Alto
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for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
How on earth do I get my children to stay in their chairs during dinner?
Houston Mama with the Dinner Time Blues
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response
Dear Genevieve,
I have been listening to Moms for many years now. Most of them talk about how hard it is to balance life with the many schedules/activities we receive as parents. My mom told me several years ago that "You will eventually do what all your other sisters before you have done, slow it down". I thought why wait. Why not learn from my sisters and mom now instead of learning the hard way. So I decided to set limits on the number of extra curricular activities I offer my kids. I came up with 'no double bookings' meaning no activities that over lap (i.e. soccer season with basketball season).
Recently my husband has started signing up the kids; first with basketball. So I postponed my daughters’ gymnastics until after basketball season. Then came softball, which highly overlaps with the swim team. I don't care if my kids do both, just not at the same time. Like maybe softball one year and swimming the next. Or cut softball out early to start swimming.
My husband strongly feels that sports are crucial to growing up. I even agree with him but with limits; so I decided to adjust the 'no double booking rule' to only during the school year and open it up during the summer. I feel too many sports cut into our family time (because surely they don't cut into laundry time, paying bills time or grocery shopping time). Any advice?
Signed,
Double Trouble
Palo Alto, CA
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here for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
Dad is up and out of the house by 6:00 am. Mom is in bed by 8:30. How do we find time to connect?
Exhausted
and Lonely
Palo Alto, CA
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here for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
I sometimes feel resentful towards my husband because he refers to his work outside the home as a 'real job' and what I do at home as easy and fun. I do love what I get to do - stay home with my kids. And I know he can't do what I do. So challenging him to take my job for a week would just make more work for me- and one day wouldn't make him understand. But how do I help him to understand that I feel demeaned and disrespected. I want both of us to feel that I am his equal partner in our marriage and family life and that I am hardworking and indispensable.
Signed,
'Just a Mommy'
Palo Alto, CA
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here for Gen's response
Dear Genevieve,
I live in the mountains and my drive to town is an hour long. Usually my husband and I drive together to do our errands. The other day I was particularly tired because we are teaching our 9 mo. old to sleep in his crib. On that same day I was trying to decide whether or not to go to town for a non-child related errand. I realized that I had to consider everyone's needs for that day, and that the process was cumbersome. Ultimately I considered my son's schedule and the impact that our errand would have on him and decided to stay home. (The errand was not mission critical and was right in the middle of his much- needed daily nap. Car naps are not as restful for him or me).
Do you have a process that you use for making decisions, especially when you have many variables/interests to consider?
Sincerely,
Mountain Mom in North Carolina
E-mail Genevieve your questions, tips, and tools. You can reach her at gen@sportofmotherhood.com.
